Bookworm

Chortle

"Bear in mind that a lot of people aren’t going to read past the second paragraph of your introduction. They’re just going to skip to the list, which is the most important part of the article. So without further ado, here are 70 simple power tao secret hacks to writing the perfect productivity article, plus a guide & system for doing it." [The Growing Life, found via Gina Trapani on Twitter)

This piece (full title: 70 Simple Power Tao Secret Hacks to Writing the Perfect Productivity Article, Plus a Guide & System for Doing It) is guaranteed to make the rounds this week -- it's a funny spoof of productivity articles and appears targeted squarely at Zen Habits. Hee, hee.

My favorite:

11. Don’t Cite Any Research

You should really limit yourself to things other people would think of if they just had enough time. No need to actually explore research on the topic. Just because people have spent entire careers researching your topic doesn’t mean you should actually explore that research.

Headline Writers Have Fun. . .

• Reality Bites for Yanks
• Swat's Up
• Buggin' Out (These three from: NY Daily News)
• Again, the Indians Create the Buzz (NY Times)
• Stung!: Tribe, Bugs Put Bite on Yanks
• Doom Buggy
• They're in a Swarm of Trouble
• Joba Buggin', Bombers on Brink
• Yanks Victim of Insecticide: Bombers in 0-2 Hole After Bugging Out (These five from: NY Post)

Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:

Venerable Lady Laura the Unhyphenated of Withering Glance

What's yours?

Oh, yes, and I did cheat -- did it three times until I found one I liked. One had the word "bottom" in it and another the word "snotty". . .

Ratio of apples to Twinkies

"In the PDF manual of life there’s a section that says you can routinely break the speed limit if the number of apples in your diet is greater than the number of Twinkies. It’s in the chapter after Exodus." [Dooce]

*giggle*

CONAN O’BRIEN
"Russia has started a territorial dispute with the United States by claiming that it owns the North Pole. President Bush was furious and said, “That’s ridiculous, everyone knows that the North Pole is owned by Santa.”
It was reported today that things are going so badly for Senator John McCain’s campaign, McCain has to carry his own luggage. Meanwhile, things are going so bad for Dennis Kucinich’s campaign, he has to carry Barack Obama’s luggage." [New York Times]

Today's Dilbert cartoon

"Wally reports: "This week I mapped and gapped the requirements to consolidate everything into a program of work. . . to maximize synergy capture and optimize our resource utilization.  If any of that sounded like work, I'll do some more of it next week."  [Link: washingtonpost.com.]

Humorous misspelling

Seen in the window of a new coffee shop on York Avenue:

“Raisin and blueberry sconces $1.85.”

I couldn’t help wondering if they would provide enough light!
[Metropolitan Diary - New York Times]

Leno, O’Brien, Letterman - New York Times

JAY LENO
. . . Halliburton is moving its headquarters to Dubai to avoid paying taxes in the United States. That’s crazy! When did Halliburton start paying taxes? Is that new? . . .
CONAN O’BRIEN
While in Mexico, President Bush visited the ruins of an ancient Mayan city. There was an awkward moment when Bush said, “We will get the evildoers who did this.” . . .
DAVID LETTERMAN
Now, here’s something to think about: ... March Madness, N.C.A.A. basketball. My prediction in the final, it will be Butler University and Weber State. But here’s how it works: you start with 65, then that goes down to 64, and then it’s 32, and then it’s 16 — no, those are the presidential candidates." [New York Times]

Jay Leno joke

JAY LENO

"Senator Barack Obama was in Los Angeles last night for a huge campaign fund-raiser. That shows you what a great country this is — when an African-American with a Kansas mother and Kenyan father who spent time growing up in Indonesia can run for president in a state where the Spanish speaking people have just elected an Austrian governor. That’s America." [NY Times]

This is not ha-ha funny, exactly. . . just interesting.

GTD = GOD?

No blasphemy intended, but I found it humorous when spellcheck recently gave me this option: