And Baby Makes Three

Married and Single Parents Spending More Time With Children

"While married mothers and married fathers were approaching “gender equality,” measured by total hours of work, the researchers found stark differences among women. These disparities suggest why working mothers often feel hurried and harried.  Over all, the researchers said, employed mothers have less free time and “far greater total workloads than stay-at-home mothers.” The workweek for an employed mother averages 71 hours, almost equally divided between paid and unpaid work, compared with a workweek averaging 52 hours for mothers who are not employed outside the home. On average, the researchers said, employed mothers get somewhat less sleep and watch less television than mothers who are not employed, and they also spend less time with their husbands." [NY Times]

My little baseball player

I shouldn't admit this, but my child has seen (parts of ) more baseball games than church services.  Now, in my defense, baseball games are on 7 days a week, therefore weekly attendance at services would still be trumped by daily ball games on the television. 

In June she and her little cousins played with a ball and bat -- previously she'd only tossed (and sometimes caught) balls of varying shapes and sizes.  While watching a few minutes of the home run contest prior to the All-Star game, she was practicing her stance and swinging a cardboard paper towel roll.  Obviously, it was time to get her the real deal. 

Last Saturday, a day of soaking rain, I found her a foam-covered bat and ball set ($5 at ToysRUs).  She looooooves this toy.  I have to laugh -- when I tell her to "keep her eye on the ball" (classic advice, but she's only two), she squints her eyes and makes a funny face.  And her attitude when she doesn't get a hit (which is most of the time), is a little like Paul O'Neill.  She tosses the bat and sometimes lays down on the floor in frustration.  So, while she's learning I'm being really encouraging, saying, "That was a really good swing!" so she won't get discouraged.

Rockabye, Baby

My daughter's favorite songs are, not surprisingly, the familiar songs of childhood that I sing to her often.  I chose Edelweiss, Do-Re-Mi, and In My Daughter's Eyes as early lullabies because I liked them, plus there were always the songs I made up.  As she got older I would sing songs during bathtime.  She'll be Comin' Round the Mountain is a fun one because it's upbeat.  I'm currently doing an injustice to a song half-remembered -- something about "Froggy went a'courtin' and he did ride, uh-huh, uh-huh".  I'll have to Google it sometime to find out the rest.  Her requests in recent months have been "Baa, Baa Black Sheep," "Row, Row, Row Your Boat," and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star." But the past couple of weeks, she begins to request "Rockabye, Baby" (the one that begins: Rockabye, baby on the tree top) as we're walking down the hall to her bedroom.  I usually have to sing it three or four times (yes, I'm a sucker for a little voice in a darkened room asking for songs). 

Childhood Obesity

"Studies have found that breast-fed children are 20 to 45 percent less likely to be obese than children who were never breast-fed, said to Kathryn G. Dewey, a professor of nutrition at the University of California, Davis. The longer a child is breast-fed, the better, according to one analysis published last year, which concluded that a child's risk of being overweight dropped by 4 percent for each month of breast-feeding.  But research has not established that nursing actually causes children to be leaner. American mothers who breast-feed are different from those who don't — they tend to be older, more educated and wealthier. Obese women often have difficulty breast-feeding, so those who breast-feed are less likely to be overweight. And they probably make healthier dietary and life choices for their families, so their children are probably at lower risk for being overweight in the first place." [NY Times]

Breast-Feed or Else

"Just like it's risky to smoke during pregnancy, it's risky not to breast-feed after," said Suzanne Haynes, senior scientific adviser to the Office on Women's Health in the Department of Health and Human Services. "The whole notion of talking about risk is new in this field, but it's the only field of public health, except perhaps physical activity, where there is never talk about the risk."  A two-year national breast-feeding awareness campaign that culminated this spring ran television announcements showing a pregnant woman clutching her belly as she was thrown off a mechanical bull during ladies' night at a bar — and compared the behavior to failing to breast-feed. "You wouldn't take risks before your baby's born," the advertisement says. "Why start after?" Senator Tom Harkin, Democrat of Iowa, has proposed requiring warning labels, on cans of infant formula and in advertisements, similar to the those on cigarettes. They would say that the Department of Health and Human services has determined that "breast-feeding is the ideal method of feeding and nurturing infants" or that "breast milk is more beneficial to infants than infant formula." Child-rearing experts have long pointed to the benefits of breast-feeding. But critics say the new campaign has taken things too far and will make mothers who cannot breast-feed, or choose not to, feel guilty and inadequate. "I desperately wanted to breast-feed," said Karen Petrone, an associate professor of history at University of Kentucky in Lexington. When her two babies failed to gain weight and her pediatrician insisted that she supplement her breast milk with formula, Ms. Petrone said, "I felt so guilty." "I thought I was doing something wrong," she added. "Nobody ever told me that some women just can't produce enough milk." Moreover, urging women to breast-feed exclusively is a tall order in a country where more than 60 percent of mothers of very young children work, federal law requires large companies to provide only 12 weeks' unpaid maternity leave and lactation leave is unheard of. Only a third of large companies provide a private, secure area where women can express breast milk during the workday, and only 7 percent offer on-site or near-site child care, according to a 2005 national study of employers by the nonprofit Families and Work Institute." [NY Times]

This article really ticks me off.  Believe me, as someone who gave birth within the past few years, pregnant women are sufficiently educated about breastfeeding.  Society, especially male politicians who have never been pregnant, seems to feel that it can keep asking more and more of mothers without any additional support.  Many employers only allow six weeks for maternity leave and sometimes eight if you had a c-section.  Yes, women can take additional unpaid time thanks to the Family and Medical Leave Act, but some families can't afford to or are worried about repercussions at work if they do so.  Choosing to breastfeed and then having to go back to work means hooking yourself up to a milking machine multiple times a day.  Believe me, using a machine to milk your breasts is no one's idea of a good time.  Even if the breastfeeding time at home was special and really healthful for the baby, what if your job or employer didn't provide the time or the private facilities to pump?  Are you going to pump standing at the counter in the bathroom?  Sitting in your car in a public parking lot?

Three people I know chose to breastfeed their children.  All of them had some difficulties with it and that was while being able to remain at home.  One person had a lactation specialist come to her home to help her with both children.  One person wasn't able to continue producing enough milk past three months with a second child.  One person's child was so thin and sickly in the first few months of its life we were afraid the child wouldn't survive.

My bottlefed two year old has never had an ear infection.  She had diarrhea one afternoon.  She has never thrown up.  She's incredibly bright and strong and healthy and happy.  None of the children in my family in my generation were breastfed and we've all gone on to be intelligent, extremely well-educated, healthy adults. 

I'm not saying don't do research and don't make the information available.  You chose to breastfeed your child?  Great.  But that doesn't give you the right to make that decision for anyone else.  It doesn't give you the right to equate feeding perfectly healthful formula with taking a risk with a child's health such as smoking while pregnant.

Mispronunciations I Will Miss

I already miss:

• Bottie (for butterfly)
• Strawbets (for strawberries -- she still says it once in a while)

Others I will miss:

• Lello for yellow
• Hot chadahdoo (which sounds very little like hot chocolate, but we think it's cute)

Opposites Unknown

My daughter knows the word "love".  She doesn't know the word "hate".
She knows the word "pretty," but doesn't know "ugly".
I wish it could always be so.

A Perfect Day

I was thinking about this last night.  At this exact point in my life, without leaving town, without out-of-town friends or family visiting, how would I choose to spend a perfect day?

I'd wake up and get out of bed when I was no longer tired.  My husband would have gotten up with my daughter, fed her breakfast, and cleaned up the kitchen.  I'd pad out to the living room in my jammies and kiss them both.  Then I'd eat something lovely for breakfast. . . let's see. . . a strawberry banana smoothie along with a turkey bacon and swiss on whole wheat.  I'd check my email, play with some digital photos, post some to Flickr or my photo blog.  (During this leisurely time, my daughter would be content to play with her toys or color.)  I'd join husband and daughter for a family cuddle/tickle session with lots of kisses and giggles.  Then I'd take a book back to bed and read until lunchtime.  We'd all eat lunch together and then my daughter would take a long nap in her crib.  My husband and I might work out in the yard together and talk.  Then he would take my daughter to the playground and I would have the house to myself. I'd putter in this room and that, having the ability to open all the doors and cupboards if needed without worrying about G's safety (or what she'd decide to do with various objects!).  I might call my sisters and my two closest female friends to catch up.  We'd go out to eat an early dinner, so I wouldn't have to cook.  We'd play in the yard with G. and after her bath and story time, she'd go to bed without complaint.  Husband and I would relax together and watch a movie and enjoy a decadent dessert.

Yes, this is a dream!

See, I don't want darling husband and daughter to just leave me for a whole day.  I want to be near them, but have some freedom to just do what I want, just for one day. Or, you know, every Saturday.  :-)

One Hundred Six Pounds

Confession: We own a television and sometimes my daughter watches it.  I feel as if I should be wearing dark glasses and using a device to disguise my voice as I type this. 

I credit Sesame Street for my little girl's expanding vocabulary and knowledge of the world.  I have no qualms about PBS programming.  What I have to be careful of are the things I might have on for a few minutes in the evening before she goes to bed. 

I watched that "reality" show called The Biggest Loser -- if you haven't seen it, families or couples or groups of friends compete against another team to see who can lose the most weight.  The name of the show is regrettable and the episodes themselves are padded with a lot of dramatic music and commercials, but the concept of changing your lifestyle through diet and exercise to achieve better health is a good one.  Anyway, my daughter saw part of this show.  A big deal is made out of the weigh-ins.  The people are weighed on a gigantic scale and much emotion is shown about the weight lost. 

My little girl now stands on the scale in our bathroom and announces, "One hundred six pounds!"  What she picked up from the show is that what you weigh is a big deal.  Ouch.  I think I'll do my best to keep the TV off in the evening until she's older so I can explain things to her.  Not that one's weight isn't important for good health, but the last thing I want to imprint on my tiny daughter is any kind of obsession in that arena.

Night, Interrupted

I will flesh this post out more later, but wanted to get a few initial bullet points down while they were still on my mind.

• Difficulty of maintaining a set schedule
• G. awake at 2:30 and wouldn't go back to sleep -- crying the "I'm really mad at you" cry she's adopted lately when I tried to lay her down and cover her with her blankets
• "Want da room" - "Want Daddy" -- she wanted to come in with us (as we have caved in and done a little too often lately)  She's at the age where you are setting precedent (reminds me of the law).  If you do something once, expect your child to ask for it again.
• Finally thought she was asleep, got back in my own bed, arranged the blankets, etc., only to hear a few minutes later: "I miss 'oo, Mama." from across the hall.  This time when I went back in, she gave a very lengthy soliloquy, worthy of Shakespeare, mixing in words I could understand with ones I couldn't.  It was like she was telling her life story or something.  Would have been more interesting if it wasn't at 3:00 a.m.
• Ended up bunking down on the floor next to the crib, covering myself with stray baby blankets.  She finally fell asleep and I think I drowsed.  It was 4:something when I got back to my own bed again. 
• This morning when I asked my husband how much of the shenanigans he heard, he said: "She cried, right?"  Yeah, babe, that's all that happened.